Submissive Speech Patterns May be Holding You Back
by Connie Glaser
Best-selling author and keynote speaker Connie
Glaser is one of the country's leading experts on gender communication and women
in leadership . Exploring communication differences
between men and women, Connie offers corporate seminars on effective communications
and overcoming barriers to leadership.
Landing a good job. Securing a raise. Being tapped for a promotion. No matter
how good you look on paper or how productive and dedicated you are, your
communication skills will almost always be the deciding factor. In a survey
of 500 executives by Communispond Inc., communications skills ranked second
only to job knowledge as factors crucial for business success.
And communication skills encompass a host of things, both verbal and nonverbal.
Your speech patterns. The tone and quality of your voice. The gestures you
use. The way you dress. The way you write. Your posture. Your eyes. Your
facial expressions. Your listening skills. The questions you ask. Your sense
of humor. Collectively, these factors make up your professional image --
how those in power view you when you apply for a job, ask for a raise or
go for a promotion. If you're like most women, you are strong in some of
these areas, but weak in others. Bottom line: To achieve positions of power,
women must be able to communicate with power.
And how is power defined? I define power as the ability to get things accomplished
-- not by controlling and dominating others, but by influencing and motivating
them. Power, in this sense, relies on cooperation instead of confrontation
and establishing connections with others instead of controlling them.
This kind of power allows individuals to take charge of their own lives
and helps them empower others. Why the focus on womens communication skills?
Because men tend to be more comfortable communicating with clout, thanks
to social conditioning. And because the rules are often different for men.
Case in point: There's nothing wrong if a man is considered aggressive; in
fact, it's complimentary. But if a woman is aggressive, look out. Some will
say, "She's a bitch" or "She's too masculine."
Also, despite the advances women have made, there are still lingering stereotypes,
such as: we're less serious about our careers than men; we don't know how
to play the game; we're not business-oriented. The good news is that women
can learn how to communicate professionally with power and conviction. But
to do so we must first unlearn the submissive patterns we've been reared
on. We must also be aware of the barriers that exist due to age-old stereotypes
and how, as a result of social conditioning, we (often unwittingly) reinforce
these stereotypes and, consequently, give away power.
Master the language of power and you can turn negatives into positives.
Acquire the necessary skills to clear the obstacles that exist for today's
working women and you emerge a competent, assertive woman who commands respect.
Combine your new skills with the many positive traits women have long been
recognized for -- creativity, tactfulness, a knack for building relationships,
poise, good listening skills, to name a few and you position yourself for
great things!
