The Differences Between Boys and Girls...
GenderTalk Works at the Office
By Margery Weinstein
It turns out your problems communicating with those of the opposite gender
don't end at the kitchen table or on that bad blind date. It happens in the
office, too, and all the time. Connie Glaser, the Atlanta-based speaker
and author of Gender Talk Works: 7 Steps for Cracking the Gender Code at
Work, says corporate miscommunications between the sexes may abound—but
there's hope.
Since discussion about gender differences is rife with controversy, a better
way to look at it, Glaser says, is through the lens of culture. Each gender is
a culture unto itself, one that comes with certain norms and standards that can
be misunderstood by those of the opposite sex.
To that effect, Glaser cites what happened when a mass e-mail led to a mass settlement
for Chevron about a decade ago. The story, which can be found in her book (out
this month), concerns a mass e-mail proclaiming "25 Reasons Beer Is Better
Than Women." The e-mail wasn't so funny to four female employees who filed
a suit that cost Chevron $2.5 million, Glaser says, but "in the male culture,
this was just off-handed humor, and whoever initiated it probably didn't see
anything offensive about it."
The differences in how men and women sometimes interpret humor can even affect
how each chooses to exert power at work. While a man might casually chide a fellow
co-worker at the coffee machine about something he said at a meeting, a woman,
Glaser says, generally wouldn't think of doing that. "In the female culture,
the relationship, the connectedness, the rapport is ultimately the most important
thing," she explains. "That's what really gives women their base of
power and influence. In the male culture, the sense of hierarchy and status is
much more important, so you see that kind of joking around to establish a kind
of status among themselves. With females, you don't see that—you see an
effort to flatten [the hierarchy] out."
Communication is the source of many gender-related workplace differences. According
to Glaser, a group of women may be more likely to change the topic of conversation
to include a male co-worker who has just joined them as a way of making sure
he feels included. Women often will hold back in meetings as well, for fear of
interrupting.
To ensure men and women under your corporate roof understand where one another
is coming from, Glaser suggests organizing a program where gender issues can
be discussed.
"You need to have the gender talk," she says. "You need to put
these issues on the table in an upbeat and constructive kind of way to minimize
that kind of conflict and misunderstanding or worse."